Contra-Castaway Musics

Music Wonkery

The supplies you want on hand as a last survivor is a fairly common topic here at the Ministry.

We have riffed extensively on weaponry, equipment, security and storage, and packing lists in case of disaster (never forget your potable water or your iodine tablets!). In a similar vein, we have discussed desert isle-castaway books, essential reading material if you knew you were going to be marooned forever. Somewhere along the line, we probably fit musics in there as well- asking what might be your essential 3 or 5 or ? albums absolutely neccessary for your long-term survival.

They’re really not so far apart; they’re just different ways of expressing the same sentiment- making do as the last person on Earth, whether literally or, in the case of the desert island, figuratively.

But there is an opposite, as with all things in our universe. There can just as easily be a list of things that, if you had them with you, would virtually guarantee sapping your will to live and letting yourself fail and die, prey for infection, predators, and scavenger birds; or simply just giving it up altogether and throwing yourself off the first conveniently-sized cliff you came upon.

If any of the following records somehow wound up in my castaway bag, I would first laugh at whoever it was that put them in there; laugh at my own hubris in thinking I could assemble an effective survival kit in the face of irresistible, implacable Nature; and then, ribs sore from laughing so hard but still managing a final sardonic chuckle, drown myself.

Forthwith:

-Anything by the Eagles

And that’s about all I can think of right this second. I could get by with just about anything, but please Lord please spare me any more fucking Eagles music.

Feel free to add your own contra-castaway selections.

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You are currently reading “Contra-Castaway Musics,” from the hand of GeekLethal

Composed:: the 12th of October at 7am

Filed Under:: Music Wonkery

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What came before:: Another Buckethead

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Kate 10.12.07 / 9am

1

Anything. At all. By Rush. Jump down my throat all you want, but that man’s voices crawls up under my skin. Plus which, that crap about “if you choose not to decide you still have made a choice” sounds like it would come from a pseudo-intellectual wanker college freshman trying to nail his first hippie chick.
Johno 10.12.07 / 9am

2

Are you goddamn nuts??!?

You got it all wrong, and I’ll demonstrate.

If someone was “kind” enough to pack my castaway bag with a steaming turd of Eagles, it would motivate me like nothing else to find a way off that island by hook, crook, or sheer will, so that I could hunt down that considerate soul, and thank them for giving me a reason for living - that reason being so that I could hunt them down, shake their hand, and then choke them to death with my bare hands for leaving me on a desert island with nothing but the fucking Eagles to listen to.
GeekLethal 10.12.07 / 9am

3

Your will to wreak vengeance, to my astonishment, surpasses my fundamental will to live.
GeekLethal 10.12.07 / 10am

4

Kate,
What makes you think I’ll jump down your throat?

I toyed with adding Rush, because I do find much of their music mildly irritating. But I like some of their stuff too. Catch the spirit, catch the spit.

But even Rush’s most bothersome track- whatever it is- pales in comparison to the Eagles. So I went with the latter, as a matter of degree.

Put a gun to my head, I’ll take math rock over SoCal coke rock any day. But see, it takes a gun.
Johno 10.12.07 / 11am

5

For starters:

1) Marcy Playground. Remember them? HATE.
2) The Eagles
3) James Taylor

I’ll think further on this. I’m sure I have a basketful more of stuff I would hate worse than death.
GeekLethal 10.12.07 / 11am

6

Hoofa… James Taylor.

Better off going down with the ship than trying to make a go of it on the island.
Buckethead 10.12.07 / 12pm

7

I agree in principle with your hatred of the Eagles, but if someone stuffed my gobag, and included a single of the Eagle’s Desperado, I would not take it amiss.

Also, I can’t hate James Taylor. I grew up in a profoundly non-musical family. And we had two music albums in the house. James Taylor’s greatest hits, and something by Simon and Garfunkly, probably the soundtrack to the Graduate. There’s a special place in my heart for those, because that’s the only music I listed to for the first decade and more of my life.

Things I would add would include most anything by boy bands, girl bands, Mariah Carey (do you smell wet dog), Christina Aguilera, Brittney Spears and the ilk. That shit makes my insides twist up in anguish.

Also, anything by Journey, Foriegner, and Jefferson Starship.
GeekLethal 10.12.07 / 12pm

8

B,
Your James Taylor logic is precisely the reason that neither Harry Chapin nor Cat Stevens were included on my list. “Wild World” was the very first song I ever liked, probably, that wasn’t (necessarily) for children. I was about 2.

Desper-f*cking-ado? C’mon, dude.

C’mon.
Mrs. Buckethead 10.12.07 / 12pm

9

Anything with the words “contemporary” and “Christian” in the same sentence. Nothing against Christians themselves, just the “contemporary music” part.

To clarify: I spend a lot of my time playing and singing, among other things, gospel and old-time church music. Love it. I even get paid to perform it, and guess what, most other people love it too! Non-Christian people love it! (Which, if I were singing it to proselytize, would kind-of be the point, no?) What I want to know is, what the heck happened between then and now?

Three of the most uninteresting chords possible. The same stupid, sappy words over and over. A vocal part specifically designed to be as easy (and boring) to sing as possible. Singers with the capability to express one and only one emotion that is the culinary equivalent of baking a cake with 10 parts sugar, 1 part water, and 1/2 part triple-bleached flour. WTF?

Back when I was allowed to listen only to “contemporary Christian music,” I would desperately listen to the radio for one good song. Just one! Then, once my ears stopped bleeding, I would run out and buy the tape in hopes that there were more good songs where that came from. I would then listen until the tape wore out. Of course, once that happened, the search would then begin again. (Oh, agony!)

Contemporary Christian Music. That would definitely sap my will to live.

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